Syinly's Weblog.Net

Like Samson I didn’t heed  their advice about the men in my life.  Relationships were my weakness I continued to compromise and move from one bad relationship to another.

When I declared I was leaving Atlanta, I thought somebody would try and stop me. I thought Louie or Bentley would have asked me to stay. The first few weeks back in Missouri, I wanted to leave. Soon I realized I had to stay in Missouri because I had enrolled La Freda in school. During the first couple of months back while I was at home with La Joy, I started writing Homeless and then I realized I had to tell the whole story for it to make sense. You don’t just wake up homeless one day . When I decided to tell my life story instead of just share part of an experinece I decided the Big Block Goes on Top.

I felt there were some unresolved issues in my  relationship with my mother. I thought maybe if we attended a class at church together we could spend time together and begin to try and repair the damage. The class was interesting. I learned some things. At the end of the class we did a spiritual gifts assessment. I discovered my gifts were faith, encouragement, miracles, and teaching. I thought about how I liked to purchase bible and other christian books for my friends, so I could see the gift of encouragement. Faith, my experience in Atlanta had increased my faith. I didn’t understand the miracles, but I must admit God allowed a lot of miraclious things to happen to me while I was homeless in Atlanta. When we did a spiritual gifts assessment it revealed that my mother’s gifts were mercy, administration and intercession. At the time I thought that’s  bullshit.

While I finally went to apply for welfare in Missouri,  there was not a  long wait like in Georgia. My case worker told me she would send me to MERS goodwill to see if I need a GED. I thought she did not read my application stating I had graduated from college. At MERS goodwill I told them I had a warrant for my arrest in Berkeley and they did not want me to do job search until I could clear up my legal issues because they thought the arrest warrant would cause me to lose my employment. They referred me to the Connections To Success office in St. Charles to get clothes for an interview.

After Christmas I got job at a local call center. In my training class there were only three people. After the first day one person did not return.  During my training period they wanted to sit me by these men and they were talking about some of everything. I thought I really did not want to sit by them because they might tempt me to talk about inappropriate things as well. During my probation period I was scared I would lose my job because La Freda kept getting sick and the school would call me at work.  I would have to leave and pick her up. A doctors visit was required each time before they would allow her to return to school. After my probationary period ended I won a contest a work and received a cash prize. I decided maybe I would stick with the job longer and decided not to look for something better. Later one of guys and I became close I had him draw me a picture of a red cross.

For my birthday I had a girl’s day out. I went to Apple bees in Clayton with my girlfriends and then we went to see the movie Beauty Shop. It was the first birthday celebration, I had where I was not concerned about spending it with a guy. Moses and I were still trying to work things out. He kept saying I had not repented.

When my situation got similar to the how things were before I left St. Louis. I was living off a power strip. La Joy had stuck some scissors in the electric outlet tripping the circuit breaker. The social services had cut off my daycare subsidy. I did not like my job anyway. I felt the company’s policy were unethical. They did not really allow us to help the people. I started getting bad performance reviews.

In previous employment history I had never gotten bad performance review except when I worked in a call center. I felt the like the dad in The Incredibles working for insura care. I got suspended for insubordination. The assistant manger told me to think about whether I really wanted this job or not and call them. They told me to call. I actually went back up there. I felt like if I did not drive there I would not go back. They refuse to allow me on the floor. I called from a phone in the lobby. I was supposed to tell management if I wanted to stay or quit. The project manager hung up the phone before, I could finish the sentence about I would quit. My job performance went up and then down.

For father’s day we went to Lake of Ozark and then on to Branson. The girls and I had our own hotel room that was the greatest. We rode on the ducks. I told my dad that was nice of him to take me on a trip for father’s day.

bI attempted to quit again my unit manager talked me out of it. I thought God would not let me quit. After a year I finally decided to apply for sub sized housing.  The complex deined me because of a previous landlord reference.

Thanksgiving the girls and I spent with Moses and his mom had thanksgiving dinner at her house. I helped clean up after wards.

A week before Christmas I got a second job at Wal-Mart. I was surprised the Wal-Mart personnel manager that interviewed me said I looked like I belong in jewelry. The day before Christmas Eve I lost my keys in Wal-Mart. Moses came took me to work and dropped the girls at the day care. I told Moses my heart was hardened I was not going to try and reconcile things between us anymore. I had stopped calling him as much. I had known for weeks it was over. I just did not want to say it. When I decided to write my autobiography and he was so against it.

After I paid the locksmith, I went into Wal-Mart to get an extra key made. I got a key chain that said God never shuts one door without opening another one. I was thinking more about him opening the door to a house. A customer at Wal-Mart asked me if I would like to find some place to live. I told him yes but I had just started my second job and I did not have any saving yet. I talked to him a couple of times. He came back in after Christmas He told me he wanted a girlfriend. I told him I wanted to take it slow.